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I am getting old. I am forgetting things. I am doing nothing. Oh boy! How pessimistic you can be when you know this is just the beginning. When I talk to myself, I always get the answer. I know it is very difficult to survive but it is a necessity. I know life comes in a cycle. There is cycle of love, silence and love again, success, failure and success again. Sunshine, sunset and sunrise again. We meet old friends, lose them and find them again. We can’t ignore their existence, we can’t ignore ourselves too. I am 25 years old and I am still in a process of re-discovering myself which is definitely an ongoing process. It’s been years I am trying to do it but I stumble. The sky seems so dull sometimes, the wind around you brings a sense of melancholy, and the night seems to be your only companion. Your inner self tries to burst out and speak to the whole world that I am here but unfortunately they are unheard and untold. I know many people who live life rather a healthy life but I can’t live my life silently. I want my emotions to be heard and felt. Monotony kills me, I need enthusiasm every second. When I don’t get them, I whine. I try to make myself understandable. Do you know why I am like this? Actually even I don’t know. When I reminisce, I always see myself sitting silently in some corner of a class and I am still the same. There is a tug of war going through my mind and heart always. I am very bad at deciding things. I always take life as it comes. I always waited for a magic. I do believe in fairytales. There is some kind of fictional touch to everything happens to my life. I sometimes think some one is controlling my life with a remote control and I am just acting according to its will. Though I think there is a dawn after every bad night and even happy stories end, still I hope to see those innocent smiles of my loved ones and take life happily. Every morning is a new beginning for me though I do nothing. Definitely there is reason I am writing this, the reason is I am celebrating life in my own special way. I am taking more evening walks, eating more ice creams and listening more songs. I hope after so much of pessimism there is a wee bit of hope.
I am getting old…oops not again please!

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